The UnRemovable Stain: truth

I just started, Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult. This book so far has had a women give birth and lie to the police and won't admit it was her baby when they find the murdered baby. Very complicated and challenging plot. In this line one of the wiser women, a bathroom attendent says, "some stains ain't never gonna come clean". In this moment she is obviously talking about the towel that she is trying to clean, but that line stuck out to me in a different way. I think Picoult was using a metaphor and wasn't directly talking about the towel. I think she was talking about mistakes and life in general, and this could connect back to the baby.

Katie is the mother of the baby, but she never admitted it. I think she wasn't ready to admit the fact to herself and she wanted to hide it away and never let anyone find the key to that lock. She wanted the whole night to disappear like it never happened. Obviously that isn't the case. You can't be scared to face what has happened. She is unmarried and it is wrong in her society and she would be judged and lying about the baby seems better than facing the consequences. But really, reality will catch up to her in the end. This connects to the quote in a way that, Katie can't erase that night. No matter how many lies she will tell, or how many people she will convince, beneath that there is still the truth and lies won't change that.

This quote also connects to life in general, and I personally can connect to this quote. I'm one to make mistakes a lot. I used to be the girl who covered them up. I was scared to face my mistake and wanted to be that perfect girl who never had to face her mistakes because she didn't have any. I guess that was because I didn't want to admit to myself how many flaws I had. The last year and 1/2 I've changed. I think I've become more of myself and learned that I have flaws but that doesn't make me a bad person. People always talk about how society will judge if you're a bad person or not, but what happens if you think you're a bad person because you have flaws? I thought that about myself, but now I've learned. I've learned that in the end, coming to truce and putting out the truth is a lot easier than hiding it up with lies.

Covering up mistakes may help the pain and challenges in the short run, but it will catch up with you. The simplest way to put it is lies dont have to be there, and you can avoid them, but the truth will never be washed away. Just because Katie lied about the baby doesn't mean that the baby never happened. The truth is the stain that will never be washed away.

After Abandoning Book...

So i finished, Breathless FINALLY yesterday. I had previously abandoned this book and then decided i should just finish it. It isn't very long, but it seemed to drag on forever. Finishing it didn't make me like it anymore, especially because i didn't like the ending. When i finish books, usually i can find a message and in this book i found some messages, but i feel like the ending didn't resolve or out closure to any of them and that's what I decided to write my blogpost on.

One message I found was that you shouldn't assume that your parent doesn't love you because parents have different ways of loving people and showing that. katie, the protagonist, and her brother, Will live with their parents and they call their dad, the ghost, because he never is around. He always is working and only seems to show up when someone is in trouble and needs scolding. Katie and Will took this in the way of, he doesn't love us. But when Will is gone and Katie comes home, she realizes the ghost does care. So I think i do agree with this message, but not exactly how the author portrays it. I think part of the lesson learned here is in the ghosts hands, and the author should show that the ghost wasn't exactly the best parent. I think a lot of times parents aren't sure how to deal with everything and can't take the role of a parent. I can definitely connect to this being a teenager myself. But as sassy as we can be, I think the parent also needs to understand what a tough place we are in and how it's hard for us as well. I think that Katie and Will had their flaws, but they're growing up and they are going to make mistakes, but they won't exactly learn from them if they are scolded, but then put behind them with nothing left for them to deal with. I think the ghost tries to fix everything himself so everything can be perfect, but really it's in the child's hand to take responsibility as well. But the thing that really bugged me was in the end, Will didn't come to a closure or realization of this message, and the end was totally off topic and didn't mention this at all. How is a reader supposed to learn from this message if the characters in the book can't even recognized the resolution?

I think this book also carried on the ordinary plot of girl meets boy, they fall in love, fight, they break up, they are friends. And i think this book is a perfect example of one of those books that just rides along the surface and doesn't dive in deeper why relationships go like that, and also if they even do? It really bugs me when books send a message that everyone would like to believe because that would be in a perfect world, but there is no such thing! Why can't books send a message that we can learn in our imperfect world? I think that this was such a stereo typical book of that perfect boarding school, but oh wait, everyone's nice to each other and there's no monarchy. I think for this book, there needed to be that place where the imperfections could shine through. I think that is what makes the most interesting messages and the most relatable.

I think the Characters in this book were interesting, but there could be a better plot line and a better message portrayal throughout the book to make it better. I think the lesson that i learned as a writer reading this book was you should never make it a happy ending that everyone knows only happens in fairytales because your reader will be lied to and/ or your message won't be received.

Betrayal of Friendship for Fantasies

Reading the story, Fox, by M. wild and R. Brooks, it has lead me to a deeper meaning of friendship and betrayal. I think this book sends an important message to children and i think it's conveyed in such a well way that makes the children excited to learn and understand the meaning of a true friendship.

A theme that I came up with that i think really expresses the book is the message of be grateful for what you have and don't be greedy for more because when you do, you'll end up with less than what you started with. Magpie and Dog become good friends and they help each other and support eachother. they find what each of them needs, and helps them through it. Dog gives Magpie "her wing" and Magpie gives dog "his eye". Just this alone i think really stands out. I think this stands for a person with something missing inside of them. I think what the author does here is really clever and shows that the weakest people can join to be a strong person.

But then, there's Fox. Fox bribes Magpie into betraying her friend, Dog, because Fox promises her he is stronger than Dog. When magpie accepts i think this is where the theme comes in. I think that the author is showing how convincing people can be. But at the same time, the author is showing how people betray because they think they are going to end up with something better. The offer Fox gives Magpie seems so perfect to Magpie that she thinks about herself and Dog doesn't even cross her mind because she is only fantasizing about the wonderful encounters she will experience with fox. Magpie doesn't stop to think about Dog and how he'll be hurt and how she is making a wrong choice. I think this is an important message to send to children. It shows how brainwashed you become when you want more. When something isn't good enough and you think you can get better, that's all you focus on doing when really you should be taking for granted what you already have.

Magpie goes along with Fox, and leaves her friend, Dog, behind. It all seems so perfect to Magpie, until Fox betrays her. I think in this moment, Magpie feels what it's like to be betrayed and all the fantasies of having a better life leaves and she is just left with guilt that she left dog. I think the author did a really great job showing the consequences of betrayal and how wrong it is.

That leads me to my next part, about the resolution. This is probably my favorite picture book that we read because of the resolution. I think the author made a really strong choice of not making it an all "happy ending, lets all be friends again". I think that the choice of making Magpie realize how much that friendship with her and dog meant, and having her go find dog really showed the resolution to herself and how she decided to do the right thing, but the ending doesn't say if Dog forgives her, or if she ever even finds dog. I think this is such an empowering ending because it shows that there is no right answer in this. The author really wants the child to understand that, no matter if Dog forgives Magpie or not, she still betrayed her friends and that is wrong, but she faced herself and went to find him.

Giving Labels

I'm currently reading, Breathless by Jessica Warman. In the last chapter, Katie found Mazzie under the bathroom sink, hiding. Mazzie is Katie's bunk partner, and she is really conserved. Mazzie has never said a work to Katie, but Katie knows a secret about Mazzie that Mazzie doesn't even know. Katie notices that Mazzie "angrily talks in her sleep" like she's experiencing a nightmare. but Mazzie speaks in Korean, so Katie can't understand. When Katie finds Mazzie, they start to talk, and Katie finds out Mazzie's mother died and her father sent her to boarding school with no warning. The two bonded, and the judgments they had for each other were left behind. This got me thinking.

Katie originally judged Mazzie as an annoying girl who stole the top bunk, and rude 'cause she never speaks to her. Mazzie judged Katie as ridiculous for being upset over her mental brother that she hasn't heard from. They both judged before they knew each others stories. I find this a lot in the real world. I think too many people are given labels to live by, and that's what everyone thinks of them. I think that's unfair and can knock a person down. A lot of times, you misjudge a person and even though you are wrong, it can get to that person. Eventually, that person starts believing it themselves. I think judging is one of society's biggest flaws. Judging is a part of life, and comes naturally but people don't stop and think what the other person might have to say for themselves.

Estella, the "popular" girl at the boarding school is misjudged by the entire school. She is labeled as the rich, snotty, popular, pretty, flawless girl with a perfect and hot boyfriend. Everyone expects her to live up to that, because after all that is her reputation. But I think Estella is a more complicated girl with insecurities and probably feels pressured to live up to her label. I think when people label other people, it's like telling that person: this is who you are. You are this personality, and this is your story, and this is who you will grow to be and such. I think labels overtake the freedom a person has to finding themselves.

I think people judging causes people to look down on themselves and make them believe whatever society tell them. I think part of being a "kind person" is respecting and understanding that the popular girl might not be what everyone judges her to be. Understanding this can help us grow as people and make a better community.

The Perfect Child

I’m currently reading, Breathless by Jessica Warman. This book is about a girl named Katie who lives in what people would call a dream life. Her family is rich they live in a beautiful house with a swimming pool, and seem like they have no problems. But you learn by Katie that her life is far from perfect. Her father, or “the ghost” completely ignores her and her drug and depressed brother except for a time to yell at them. One theme that I found and really connected to in the book was parent- child relationship and the pressure to be the perfect child your parents always though of you as.

Katie’s parents are the type of  people who don’t want to be known as a family with problems, so having children who do have problems is shameful, and hard for them to accept. “the Ghost” is the type of parent who puts his reputation above all. If Will gets in trouble, he needs to cover it up. He can never be wrong. If he finds Will looking guilty, he won’t even ask for the story but instead just punish him. Once, they were playing on the roof and accidently dropped a cat off a building. The cat died and the Ghost automatically appeared in the doorway. He started yelling at Will, but first said, “crap why do you let this happen? The neighbors are next door.” This quote shows how he only thinks about himself. I think even though Will gets into drugs sometimes, “the Ghost” doesn’t have a right to yell at Will because he is the problem, his own father is the reason he’s in this state. Even when Will tried committing suicide, he was shamed of him, and never really cared about Will. When I started reading this and analyzing his character, it was like a “finally!” moment when I could totally understand and relate to. I think a lot of times parents have a perfect life planned out for their child because they are scared to let any imperfections show through. I personally think this is wrong and parents should be more acceptant of their child.

I can connect to this so much. A lot of times I feel society has what they want me to be. You’re going to get these grades, get into this school, and do this when you grow up. But as a kid, I feel like what we learn to love in life is what we should make our priority. I feel like a persons differences are what makes them special, so if parents don’t accept that, it can weigh a child down and make them feel worthless. 

Living for the eyes of society

I'm currently reading Identical by Ellen Hopkins. This book is about two twins who live with a father who is a judge, but contradicts himself at home where he drinks and sexually abuses his daughter. Their mother is gone most of the time and could care less about her children. These twins may be identical on looks, but couldn't be more different on the inside. Noticing their differences has led me to think deeper about why they are so different, and why they handle the problems they have internally without any expression of them. 

Raeanne, one of the twins, deals with a lot of issues. Many of these issues are secrets that she feels can only be kept, and if she tells them she will be judged. Her biggest secret is she is in love with her father. I think this is such a deep and tough topic because not every daughter feels sexual love towards her father, and also, it is something that society keeps a secret and doesn’t bring up often. I think that having this secret to keep is probably the hardest thing to deal with when trying to have a “normal” life. Raeanne repels her internal self from society, and finds a story to live by. What I mean is, she keeps her secrets and problems to herself and fakes who she is on the outside. At school she is the out going kid who talks to everyone and pretends to be that kid that everyone wishes they could be. I think Raeanne not only does this for society judgment, but also for herself. I think that Raeanne is afraid to admit her confessions to herself, because once she does, everything will be too complicated.

I think this issue can be connected to the real world in a lot of ways. Many people fake who they are, because they are afraid of being judged and given a label. I think that coming through to your true self is based on what society thinks of you. I think that all the eyes shape who you are as a person. I know I live life a lot of times thinking, “what will this person think of me if I do this?” or “what will they say about this?” I think that in a lot of ways, this is wrong. I think judging people is wrong, but I think that its part of humanity.

Confusion and Hiding

Spoiler Alert!!!!

I recently finished the book, “Looking For Alaska” by John Green. After I finished it, I didn’t really feel content. I t was a great book, don’t get me wrong, but I just finished the book without a clear understanding of why Alaska died and potentially killed herself. I understand that the point is, you will never know if she actually committed suicide, but I feel that you can go deeper in this situation because there is a reason for everything.

When Alaska died, I honestly wasn’t expecting it. I was shocked, why would someone as bad ass and someone who seems so non- caring possibly commit suicide? But I think this is what made it so obvious if you take the time to think about it. I know that a lot of times people don’t know the whole story, because a person is hiding something that they don’t want someone to know. This is part of the reason why I think Alaska did commit suicide. I think that when something is bothering you, you don’t want to advertise it or make it known because you are confused. I think that it wasn’t only because she forgot to leave flowers at her mother’s grave, it was the build up of emotion and she used her forgetting the flowers an excuse to end all the suffering. I think that Alaska was confused and scared because she felt alone. She felt that no one understood her and I feel like she hated herself. I think this because when she smoked, she didn’t care what would happen to her. She always used live while your young as an excuse, but really I think she just wanted a way out of her confusion. This brings me to my next point which is maybe she saw an end in the labyrinth, maybe she committed suicide because at that moment, she felt so angry and upset and confused and scared that the only way out was to end her life. I don’t think she saw it as ending her life though, I think she thought of it as it could all feel better once this is out. And crashing into the car was the only way out, she felt.

I can relate this to the real world in so many ways. I love this book mainly because of the fact that every teenager can relate to the emotions and themes that are being expressed. Maybe they aren’t in the same situation of any of the characters, but every teenager faces the confusion of how to deal with problems. And the fact of the matter is, a lot of people can’t find a way to deal with everything. Many teenagers feel suicidal and self harm themselves because they don’t know any other way to get rid of the emotions inside of them. Recently a teenage girl, Amanda Todd took her life. She made a mistake on the internet and was haunted by it the rest of her life. People bullied her and judged her and she hated herself. She had so many emotions inside of her that she couldn’t express so taking her life was the only thing that felt right. A couple days before she committed suicide, she made a video of her story and posted it on YouTube. This led me to watch more and more of people’s stories and made me realize how real this issue is. I feel it is so unfair for people to be bullied or judged or abused because of something about them that they can’t help or can’t take back. But at the same time, many of these people who self harm themselves aren’t bullied, they just are confused inside, and what makes the build up of emotion is that they don’t have anyone to express their feeling to, or anyone to understand. They feel alone, and because of this, they have to hide what is going on inside. This is why it is so scary because the most cheerful girl you know could be self-harming themselves or confused. John Green really expresses this well through that character of Alaska, but also I think it is smart to leave the reader hanging because it goes to show how you don’t always know the answers about why someone hurts themselves; you don’t always know their whole story.

Reading and analyzing the character Alaska has led me to think more deeply about the subject of self harm and suicide and just confusion in general. I think that every teen should have the chance to read and understand a topic that we can all relate to and understand that no one is alone. It also shows that people hide things, so don’t judge on what you know or think you know.  

Life's Labyrinth (looking for Alaska)

I am currently reading “Looking For Alaska” by John Green. While I was reading I came across a quote that really stuck out to me. “You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that the future keeps going, but you never do it. You use the future to escape the present.” This is said by Alaska who is a girl at the boarding school that becomes friends with Miles. Miles is the protagonist and he comes from small town in Florida and comes to the boarding school in a hope of finding friends. He becomes friends with “The Colonel” and Alaska, and abuses his rules of no smoking, drinking etc. Alaska I think is a very interesting character and there is a lot of un-known about her, but I think she is a very smart person from all the experiences that she has gone through. When Alaska said this to Miles, it made me think about her as a person, and myself and how I can connect to this quote. It also made me able to understand what I’m dealing with a lot more and have a different view on things.

Alaska seems like a troublemaker and a person who is shallow, but learning more about her makes you realize how interesting of a character she really is. One thing that Alaska loves is books. Her room is full of books that she calls her Life’s Library. She refers to the Labyrinth, and Miles is confused, but at the same time interested at what it means. When Alaska says this quote, I realized that the labyrinth is her, she compares her personal life as a labyrinth. When I had this realization, a lot of things made sense to me. I understood why she was at the boarding school. I think she came here for an escape, but when she came she realized that she was still stuck in the maze. I think this was a point of realization for Alaska, and she realized that distance won’t determine if you have escaped the labyrinth, what will is how you work toward your goal in life and how you achieve that.

In the next part of the quote, Alaska refers to having a dream and waiting for it to come true. I think that this part of the quote is really though provoking. I think that what this quote means is that everyone has a dream, but a lot of times you wait for it to come true. And I think this is something that everyone can relate to and I think this is really smart. My favorite part of the whole quote is when Alaska says, “Imagining the future keeps on going. Using the future to escape the present.” I think that this really illustrates how many people imagine the future, but don’t realize they are living it, and one day you will realize that everything you thought was going to happen didn’t because you waited too long, and you used the future as an escape from the present. You always counted on the future instead of living the moment.

I can connect to this quote in so many ways. This quote is literally my life. Of course I have dreams of being someone that people will remember and big “superstar” dreams. And then you just give yourself a reality check, and say, wait everyone has a dream like you why you? And you just loose hope. I think that is the labyrinth in my life. I think another part of the labyrinth in my life is the problems and confusion that every teen faces sometime. I think that growing up is really hard, and dealing with your parents and family and friends and trying to keep good grades and also at the end of the day trying to find a way to help yourself is a lot to deal with. But at the same time, you have to accept that you have problems in your life and you can’t us excuses such as the future to escape your present.

I think that everyone has a labyrinth in their life and everyone has a issue that holds them back from something. I think that understanding that and accepting that makes someone a stronger person.  

Words Hurt, Words Protect

In the story, "Am I Blue?" by Bruce Coville, I read a quote that really stuck out to me. On page 10, Melvin says, "It is. But if you live in a world that keeps trying to grind you down, you either start thumbing your nose at it  or end up very, very short. Taking back language is one way to jam the grinder. My friends and I call each other 'fagots' and 'queer' for the same reason black folks call each other 'nigger'- to take the words away from the people who use them to hurt us." This quote I found really interesting and was able to connect it to Vince and other characters in the story, as well as connecting it to the real world and how people can connect to it.

I find this quote really interesting because of the meaning behind the words. The grinder and how Melvin uses as a metaphor for bullying I think is really meaningful. I think he means, bullying is a force that is very hard to get out of. For example, Vince is bullied by Butch, and he can't stand up for himself. Connecting this to the metaphor, he is stuck in a grinder and is being beat very quickly, and he is getting shorter and shorter every second. Then, Bruce Coville says, "Taking back language is one way to jam the grinder". This is a line of defense that shows how there is a way to stop the grinder, or stand up to the bullying. Melvin also refers to taking back language. I think that this is very smart and deep. When you take back language from someone, or use it to yourself, it makes the bully look stupid. It also shows strength and courage and puts the bully in his place. I also think that making yourself look stronger this way is more successful than trying to fight back with the bully. As Melvin says, using the words to each other takes the word away from the bully, who would use it to hurt you.

This quote really connects to Vince. Butch, a bully, bullies Vince and makes Vince feel alone and worthless and weak. Vince doesn't know how to deal with it, but i think that using words against him is really smart. Another Character that can connect to the quote is Butch. Even though Butch is bullying Vince for being gay, at the end you find out that Butch is gay as well. I think that butch calls Vince mean names to make himself feel better, even though those same words are offensive to him as well. I also think that Butch uses those words to cover himself and who he really is.

I can connect this to the real world because I have encountered many incidents when someone is being mean to someone else. A lot of the time you just think, "jerk, why is he doing that to him? Does he not have a life?" But people never really stop and think why they bully, why people say such mean things. I think that a lot of the times it is to make yourself feel better, or cover something about you that no one knows, or as this quote illustrates, it takes the words away. It Takes the opportunity away for someone to be mean to you about that same thing because you made fun of someone else for it. I think this quote is trying to make people think deeper on why people are mean, or why people use what may seem like offensive things to protect themselves.