Living for the eyes of society

I'm currently reading Identical by Ellen Hopkins. This book is about two twins who live with a father who is a judge, but contradicts himself at home where he drinks and sexually abuses his daughter. Their mother is gone most of the time and could care less about her children. These twins may be identical on looks, but couldn't be more different on the inside. Noticing their differences has led me to think deeper about why they are so different, and why they handle the problems they have internally without any expression of them. 

Raeanne, one of the twins, deals with a lot of issues. Many of these issues are secrets that she feels can only be kept, and if she tells them she will be judged. Her biggest secret is she is in love with her father. I think this is such a deep and tough topic because not every daughter feels sexual love towards her father, and also, it is something that society keeps a secret and doesn’t bring up often. I think that having this secret to keep is probably the hardest thing to deal with when trying to have a “normal” life. Raeanne repels her internal self from society, and finds a story to live by. What I mean is, she keeps her secrets and problems to herself and fakes who she is on the outside. At school she is the out going kid who talks to everyone and pretends to be that kid that everyone wishes they could be. I think Raeanne not only does this for society judgment, but also for herself. I think that Raeanne is afraid to admit her confessions to herself, because once she does, everything will be too complicated.

I think this issue can be connected to the real world in a lot of ways. Many people fake who they are, because they are afraid of being judged and given a label. I think that coming through to your true self is based on what society thinks of you. I think that all the eyes shape who you are as a person. I know I live life a lot of times thinking, “what will this person think of me if I do this?” or “what will they say about this?” I think that in a lot of ways, this is wrong. I think judging people is wrong, but I think that its part of humanity.

Confusion and Hiding

Spoiler Alert!!!!

I recently finished the book, “Looking For Alaska” by John Green. After I finished it, I didn’t really feel content. I t was a great book, don’t get me wrong, but I just finished the book without a clear understanding of why Alaska died and potentially killed herself. I understand that the point is, you will never know if she actually committed suicide, but I feel that you can go deeper in this situation because there is a reason for everything.

When Alaska died, I honestly wasn’t expecting it. I was shocked, why would someone as bad ass and someone who seems so non- caring possibly commit suicide? But I think this is what made it so obvious if you take the time to think about it. I know that a lot of times people don’t know the whole story, because a person is hiding something that they don’t want someone to know. This is part of the reason why I think Alaska did commit suicide. I think that when something is bothering you, you don’t want to advertise it or make it known because you are confused. I think that it wasn’t only because she forgot to leave flowers at her mother’s grave, it was the build up of emotion and she used her forgetting the flowers an excuse to end all the suffering. I think that Alaska was confused and scared because she felt alone. She felt that no one understood her and I feel like she hated herself. I think this because when she smoked, she didn’t care what would happen to her. She always used live while your young as an excuse, but really I think she just wanted a way out of her confusion. This brings me to my next point which is maybe she saw an end in the labyrinth, maybe she committed suicide because at that moment, she felt so angry and upset and confused and scared that the only way out was to end her life. I don’t think she saw it as ending her life though, I think she thought of it as it could all feel better once this is out. And crashing into the car was the only way out, she felt.

I can relate this to the real world in so many ways. I love this book mainly because of the fact that every teenager can relate to the emotions and themes that are being expressed. Maybe they aren’t in the same situation of any of the characters, but every teenager faces the confusion of how to deal with problems. And the fact of the matter is, a lot of people can’t find a way to deal with everything. Many teenagers feel suicidal and self harm themselves because they don’t know any other way to get rid of the emotions inside of them. Recently a teenage girl, Amanda Todd took her life. She made a mistake on the internet and was haunted by it the rest of her life. People bullied her and judged her and she hated herself. She had so many emotions inside of her that she couldn’t express so taking her life was the only thing that felt right. A couple days before she committed suicide, she made a video of her story and posted it on YouTube. This led me to watch more and more of people’s stories and made me realize how real this issue is. I feel it is so unfair for people to be bullied or judged or abused because of something about them that they can’t help or can’t take back. But at the same time, many of these people who self harm themselves aren’t bullied, they just are confused inside, and what makes the build up of emotion is that they don’t have anyone to express their feeling to, or anyone to understand. They feel alone, and because of this, they have to hide what is going on inside. This is why it is so scary because the most cheerful girl you know could be self-harming themselves or confused. John Green really expresses this well through that character of Alaska, but also I think it is smart to leave the reader hanging because it goes to show how you don’t always know the answers about why someone hurts themselves; you don’t always know their whole story.

Reading and analyzing the character Alaska has led me to think more deeply about the subject of self harm and suicide and just confusion in general. I think that every teen should have the chance to read and understand a topic that we can all relate to and understand that no one is alone. It also shows that people hide things, so don’t judge on what you know or think you know.  

Life's Labyrinth (looking for Alaska)

I am currently reading “Looking For Alaska” by John Green. While I was reading I came across a quote that really stuck out to me. “You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that the future keeps going, but you never do it. You use the future to escape the present.” This is said by Alaska who is a girl at the boarding school that becomes friends with Miles. Miles is the protagonist and he comes from small town in Florida and comes to the boarding school in a hope of finding friends. He becomes friends with “The Colonel” and Alaska, and abuses his rules of no smoking, drinking etc. Alaska I think is a very interesting character and there is a lot of un-known about her, but I think she is a very smart person from all the experiences that she has gone through. When Alaska said this to Miles, it made me think about her as a person, and myself and how I can connect to this quote. It also made me able to understand what I’m dealing with a lot more and have a different view on things.

Alaska seems like a troublemaker and a person who is shallow, but learning more about her makes you realize how interesting of a character she really is. One thing that Alaska loves is books. Her room is full of books that she calls her Life’s Library. She refers to the Labyrinth, and Miles is confused, but at the same time interested at what it means. When Alaska says this quote, I realized that the labyrinth is her, she compares her personal life as a labyrinth. When I had this realization, a lot of things made sense to me. I understood why she was at the boarding school. I think she came here for an escape, but when she came she realized that she was still stuck in the maze. I think this was a point of realization for Alaska, and she realized that distance won’t determine if you have escaped the labyrinth, what will is how you work toward your goal in life and how you achieve that.

In the next part of the quote, Alaska refers to having a dream and waiting for it to come true. I think that this part of the quote is really though provoking. I think that what this quote means is that everyone has a dream, but a lot of times you wait for it to come true. And I think this is something that everyone can relate to and I think this is really smart. My favorite part of the whole quote is when Alaska says, “Imagining the future keeps on going. Using the future to escape the present.” I think that this really illustrates how many people imagine the future, but don’t realize they are living it, and one day you will realize that everything you thought was going to happen didn’t because you waited too long, and you used the future as an escape from the present. You always counted on the future instead of living the moment.

I can connect to this quote in so many ways. This quote is literally my life. Of course I have dreams of being someone that people will remember and big “superstar” dreams. And then you just give yourself a reality check, and say, wait everyone has a dream like you why you? And you just loose hope. I think that is the labyrinth in my life. I think another part of the labyrinth in my life is the problems and confusion that every teen faces sometime. I think that growing up is really hard, and dealing with your parents and family and friends and trying to keep good grades and also at the end of the day trying to find a way to help yourself is a lot to deal with. But at the same time, you have to accept that you have problems in your life and you can’t us excuses such as the future to escape your present.

I think that everyone has a labyrinth in their life and everyone has a issue that holds them back from something. I think that understanding that and accepting that makes someone a stronger person.  

Words Hurt, Words Protect

In the story, "Am I Blue?" by Bruce Coville, I read a quote that really stuck out to me. On page 10, Melvin says, "It is. But if you live in a world that keeps trying to grind you down, you either start thumbing your nose at it  or end up very, very short. Taking back language is one way to jam the grinder. My friends and I call each other 'fagots' and 'queer' for the same reason black folks call each other 'nigger'- to take the words away from the people who use them to hurt us." This quote I found really interesting and was able to connect it to Vince and other characters in the story, as well as connecting it to the real world and how people can connect to it.

I find this quote really interesting because of the meaning behind the words. The grinder and how Melvin uses as a metaphor for bullying I think is really meaningful. I think he means, bullying is a force that is very hard to get out of. For example, Vince is bullied by Butch, and he can't stand up for himself. Connecting this to the metaphor, he is stuck in a grinder and is being beat very quickly, and he is getting shorter and shorter every second. Then, Bruce Coville says, "Taking back language is one way to jam the grinder". This is a line of defense that shows how there is a way to stop the grinder, or stand up to the bullying. Melvin also refers to taking back language. I think that this is very smart and deep. When you take back language from someone, or use it to yourself, it makes the bully look stupid. It also shows strength and courage and puts the bully in his place. I also think that making yourself look stronger this way is more successful than trying to fight back with the bully. As Melvin says, using the words to each other takes the word away from the bully, who would use it to hurt you.

This quote really connects to Vince. Butch, a bully, bullies Vince and makes Vince feel alone and worthless and weak. Vince doesn't know how to deal with it, but i think that using words against him is really smart. Another Character that can connect to the quote is Butch. Even though Butch is bullying Vince for being gay, at the end you find out that Butch is gay as well. I think that butch calls Vince mean names to make himself feel better, even though those same words are offensive to him as well. I also think that Butch uses those words to cover himself and who he really is.

I can connect this to the real world because I have encountered many incidents when someone is being mean to someone else. A lot of the time you just think, "jerk, why is he doing that to him? Does he not have a life?" But people never really stop and think why they bully, why people say such mean things. I think that a lot of the times it is to make yourself feel better, or cover something about you that no one knows, or as this quote illustrates, it takes the words away. It Takes the opportunity away for someone to be mean to you about that same thing because you made fun of someone else for it. I think this quote is trying to make people think deeper on why people are mean, or why people use what may seem like offensive things to protect themselves.