Confusion and Hiding

Spoiler Alert!!!!

I recently finished the book, “Looking For Alaska” by John Green. After I finished it, I didn’t really feel content. I t was a great book, don’t get me wrong, but I just finished the book without a clear understanding of why Alaska died and potentially killed herself. I understand that the point is, you will never know if she actually committed suicide, but I feel that you can go deeper in this situation because there is a reason for everything.

When Alaska died, I honestly wasn’t expecting it. I was shocked, why would someone as bad ass and someone who seems so non- caring possibly commit suicide? But I think this is what made it so obvious if you take the time to think about it. I know that a lot of times people don’t know the whole story, because a person is hiding something that they don’t want someone to know. This is part of the reason why I think Alaska did commit suicide. I think that when something is bothering you, you don’t want to advertise it or make it known because you are confused. I think that it wasn’t only because she forgot to leave flowers at her mother’s grave, it was the build up of emotion and she used her forgetting the flowers an excuse to end all the suffering. I think that Alaska was confused and scared because she felt alone. She felt that no one understood her and I feel like she hated herself. I think this because when she smoked, she didn’t care what would happen to her. She always used live while your young as an excuse, but really I think she just wanted a way out of her confusion. This brings me to my next point which is maybe she saw an end in the labyrinth, maybe she committed suicide because at that moment, she felt so angry and upset and confused and scared that the only way out was to end her life. I don’t think she saw it as ending her life though, I think she thought of it as it could all feel better once this is out. And crashing into the car was the only way out, she felt.

I can relate this to the real world in so many ways. I love this book mainly because of the fact that every teenager can relate to the emotions and themes that are being expressed. Maybe they aren’t in the same situation of any of the characters, but every teenager faces the confusion of how to deal with problems. And the fact of the matter is, a lot of people can’t find a way to deal with everything. Many teenagers feel suicidal and self harm themselves because they don’t know any other way to get rid of the emotions inside of them. Recently a teenage girl, Amanda Todd took her life. She made a mistake on the internet and was haunted by it the rest of her life. People bullied her and judged her and she hated herself. She had so many emotions inside of her that she couldn’t express so taking her life was the only thing that felt right. A couple days before she committed suicide, she made a video of her story and posted it on YouTube. This led me to watch more and more of people’s stories and made me realize how real this issue is. I feel it is so unfair for people to be bullied or judged or abused because of something about them that they can’t help or can’t take back. But at the same time, many of these people who self harm themselves aren’t bullied, they just are confused inside, and what makes the build up of emotion is that they don’t have anyone to express their feeling to, or anyone to understand. They feel alone, and because of this, they have to hide what is going on inside. This is why it is so scary because the most cheerful girl you know could be self-harming themselves or confused. John Green really expresses this well through that character of Alaska, but also I think it is smart to leave the reader hanging because it goes to show how you don’t always know the answers about why someone hurts themselves; you don’t always know their whole story.

Reading and analyzing the character Alaska has led me to think more deeply about the subject of self harm and suicide and just confusion in general. I think that every teen should have the chance to read and understand a topic that we can all relate to and understand that no one is alone. It also shows that people hide things, so don’t judge on what you know or think you know.